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G-nome Projekt! |
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The Interview with one of Metal's greatest guitarists ever....EVER! "Hi-ho everyone. Ya know I'd like to take this moment to reflect on one of the most provocative genres of music. Metal. Metal, as you well know, has been around since 1860 when Abraham Lincoln gave the Ghetty'sburg address in the D minor chord on what was to be the guitar. Metal has since then been a strong powerful influence on society and psychology. It helped end WWII when the Nazis tried to invade Egypt. The British used a well planned out tactic called Chord Crunch 5.0. A chord in which the sonic waves emitted from a guitar or a bass are so intense that a normal individual MUST head bang. Now in today's world metal serves a higher purpose. The purpose of teaching our children that politics and the human race in general is corrupt that we are mortal and we should enjoy life rather than kill it. I wanted to see how people influence metal and today I will be interviewing Zakk Wylde an acclaimed and astute veteran of metal. By many he is considered one of the gods of metal. By others he is the hardass chopper riding motherfuckerthatIalwayswantedtobebutfuckingchoppersaresogodamnexpensivethatIcan'tbyone.....ever. *ahem*" N: Tell me Zakk how is it that you came to practice the fine art of metal? Z: Where the hell am I? N: Oh don't worry Mr. Wylde the sedatives will wear off soon. I would just like you to answer some questions I have for you. Z: Why am I tied up in chains? N: Mr. Wylde please....the chains are for you protection. Now first question...How is it that you came about playing guitar? Z: Ummmmmm well if you get these chains off me I'll tell you. N: *sigh* *SLAP!* Waaaah Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh Waaaaah! God your so whiny. Answer the questions or I might have to whip out the electrodes. Z: Alright Alright Alright. I started playing guitar when I was 9. I saw alot of artists playing guitar and playing blues and rock. I just got hooked. N: Thank you. *SLAP* WHERE ARE YOUR REBEL FRIENDS Z: AH FUCK THAT HURT! WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR- *SLAP* N: You didn't think I didn't know about your little operation that you've been running? hmm? With the Mafia? Z: What are you talking about you insane freak. N: I'm talking about THIS! *Whips out Zakk Wylde's new CD* Z: OH YOU MORON THATS JUST THE TITLE OF THE CD ITS JUST CALLED MAFIA CUZ ITS BAD ASS! N: Oh really thats not what Tony thinks. T: youz been messing with our famillies names Mr. Wylde. The families of New York are very displeased and if you don't cut the bull we might have to write you a letter telling youz how angry we are. Z: I'm high aren't I? N: No Mr. Wylde Baking Soda sedatives do not cause stonerage. Now I'm gonna ask you again where is Getty? Z: Getty? N: Getty Lee... of Rush...of Salesman OF SALESMAN
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAA! Z: How many times have you seen that episode kid you gotta get outside sometime and get some godamn help because.. *ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPP* Z:AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH N: You forced me to do this Zakk I want the names of every rock star you ever played with they will be brought here and executed. I will not have anymore of your poison filling American minds with notions of violence sex drugs ....and above all you're rock n' roll. Sexy Assistant: Noam Black Cell unit is on the phone they want to know when they should deploy in Cleveland? N: NOT NOW but I will see youuuuuuuu darling in Be- Z: Ok this is getting weird if you don't let me go I'll break these chains and beat you in the face. N: Hahaha Mr. Wylde please don't exert yourself too much their only titanium alloy chains that can only be broken by the sound of the dragon. Plus if you do get out Vinny here will take care of ya. Z: A Dragon eh? What about a........STEEL DRAGON *Steel Dragon song plays* N: NO HOW COULD I FORGET NO!!!! BE SILENT!!! AHHHHHHHH! *chains break* Z: Now where's this Vinny V: Mr. Wylde a hello from the Tagtagalia Family *Punch* Z: Alright here we go.. * A fight ensues Vinny is pummeled through the floor boards and is impaled on the steel bar in the foundations of the building. * Z: Now your next Noam N: I hope you slept well tonight Mr. Wydle because now you die! Prepare to meet Iron Skill- *Smack Noam is knocked to the ground unconcious* Z: Don't ever touch me again Twisted Freak Zakk Wylde leaves an Amp and plugs it in. The Timer ticks...10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1...The building explodes in a massive explosion as Zakk walks away slowly with his guitar. Two months later....a new band becomes famous the members do not show their faces on stage and hide it behind masks of evilness...they call themselves.....Twisted Freak...a coincidence? I THINK NOT! Stay tuned for the sequel too...ZAKK WYLDE STEEL DRAGON AVENGER DESTRUCTOR IMPALER DESECRATOR!
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