GANDALFLAND!
THOUSANDS OF YEARS AGO! BEFORE THE DAWN OF MAN!.................
A great adventure took place......
This is the adventure of a little boy named Fro. Fro was a lad who hailed from the Silicon Valley far beyond the mountains of the Sierra Nevada HOME TO ONE OF THE LEGENDARY DRAGONS MICROSOFT! *to be read in a booming voice*
*now a quieter one* So Fro went about his business everyday but the little afro boy from New Zealand was unsatisfied. He longed for something more .....extra-ordinary. The next day Fro awoke to find a bunch of coupons on his desk. He shifted threw them and then ........THE ANSWER TO HIS PROBLEMS! A Free pass to Gandalfland! The place where fun never ends!
Fro could not pass up this opportunity he just had to go! So he planned out what he needed. He grabbed his golf club his lucky red ball, his backpack with the famous Elven bread Lembas. The only bread the no one else can remember the name except for nerds, sociopaths, and serial Killers..........I encompass ALL >:-D. Lets not make this story about me ok?
So Fro grabbed his walking sticking and naturally started walking. After realizing that he was really out of shape and just wasn't up for walking and singing hobbit folk songs, he jumped in his 1948 Ford Mustang Fantom Spyder Leviathan Clas 06898989876 CI 87 V90 X-tronic Triptonicthermonuclearwarmachineofabeasticannotdescribenordiscloseatthistime.........car *Gasp*....with his new partner....David Hasslehoff. The two drove around picking up chicks on their way to Gandalfland. As they drive on El Camino to get to Gandalfland, they are pulled over by the Cops. Fro "What are we to do sexy- I mean David? The cops surely know that we have 5 pounds of Cocaine in the trunk. They will smote us and drop us into the fiery pits Mt. Doom. Then they'll make mugs and posters and place mats of us and O I guess that would be cool but Mr. Hasslehoff I WANT TO LIVE I WANT TO LIVE!"
David
Hasslehoff stared in disbelief and then spoke "Don't worry did ya ever
watch 
? If you recall in episode 48 where Pamela and I lay down
the idea of having sex just before the killer whale invasion kills half the team
except Carmen Electra and I'm stuck with the both...*grins* After that scene the
cops come and take us away for possession of acid and cocaine. I found a clever
way of getting out of their clutches observe."
The
cops come over and make Fro roll down his window.
"Good day sir yew realize how fast yew were going? Plus by the paint scheme
of yer car and the license plate that reads....Meth-odology. I would say yew
fellers got about 5 pounds of Crack cocaine in yer trunk."
Fro was amazed and scared....for the first time in his life he was about to scream when suddenly David Hasslehoff grabbed the Cop by the balls and lifted him up. He looked into his eyes and said, "I hope your having a ball.." Then he grabbed the cops gun and shot the cop. His partner horrified that his only friend in life was just shot by his sex idol drew out his 9mm machete and stabbed David Hasslehoff repeatedly. Fro was too terrified at the scene drove on to go to Gandalfland and escape the craziness of the world. When he arrived the park was just opening and people wanted to get in but they were being held up by the manager.
"LET US IN I WANT TO PLAY LORD OF THE RINGS GOLF AND BUY COTTON CANDY FROM THE MORDOR STORE!"
"MY SON IS A LAWYER AND HE WILL HAVE YOU SUED IF YOU DO NOT LET ME IN FRONT OF THIS LINE!"
"I AM A LIBRARIAN!"
The Manager and old man of about 300 years old finally with a booming voice said " YOU...........SHALL NOT! PAAAAAAAAAAS!" To which he drove his golf club into the ground somehow.......randomly.....the ground opened and well I dunno this article is getting kinda crazy.........so just for a filler Satan came out and grabbed them all and took their souls to hell.
So Fro came up to the manager who smiled at him. He was allowed one game. So Fro thinking he could escape the world played.......golf. So he played golf and he putted the ball around getting holes in ones here and there. When his concentration was distrupted by a security guard yelling at another guest at the park.
"Sir please get your putter out of the Balrog's ass this is a place of miniature business. This is not a playground even though this looks like a playground."
Fro got very angry at this and went up to the security guard and decked him. After that he brought the security guard to the windmill obstacle and threw him in. The only thing that came out the other side was the security guards brain and eyes....both were a successful hole in one.
Fro then tried the last hole and then the bonus hole to see if he got a free game or a prize of some kind. He got a whole in one on both and a buzzer and bell rang for his success. Gandalf the manager came out and said. "Fro my young lad you have won the grand prize...." He said with a scary grin. Suddenly Mr. Fro was put in the clown house obstacle and tied to a bed. Fro was scared........shitless. Gandalf took off his mask and revealed himself to be Michael Jackson. Mr. Fro screamed at the top of his lungs.
Michael Jackson, "O look a cute little midget boy. O here in my neverland! He's one the grand prize! YAY!"
The door slammed shut to and drowned out Fro's screams to the world.......and you should probably stop reading this RIGHT THE FUCK NOW! I was on a lot of Acid to write this article lol that and even I can't write the details of what happened next.