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G-nome Projekt! |
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The Court Case In 2005 Lily Jones was accused of the consumption of alcohol on the UCSC campus. She was arrested and taken to court. The following events are based on real events and the names and places have been changed. In the criminal court system there is no escape....there is only justice. The court room convened on Thursday, every politician and senator and all of the nation watched as the fate of justice rested in the balance. Honorary Judge Sidious: "The high court of Yevon is now in session. Lady Lily you shall be shot, whipped, stabbed, beaten, boiled in a vat of acid, stomped on, bleached, hung, flogged, raped, eaten, eviscerated, dismembered, and worst of all.....licked. All this in the presence of.........A SHOOPUFF!" Lily: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Sidious: "Hahaha I'm just kidding I love doing that." Lawyer: "Your honor my client would like to plead the fifth on grounds that you are a douchebag. The evidence provided against my client is insufficient to prosecute her in the court of law." Prosecutor: "Your honor I object. The defendant is clearly in contempt of court for being French." Sidious: "Sustained. The court will disregard that last statement." Lily: "Oh my God.....you guys aren't even real lawyers or judges are you?" Lawyer: "Excuse me but I spent a day at the holiday inn. I resent that remark." Prosecutor: "Your honor this court case is absurd it is imperative that we show the world we do not suck at our job." Sidious: "what does the court wish to have the punishment be?" Jury: "Your honor we call in favor of a gladitorial fight between the defendant and Russel Crowe." Lily: "Oh my God.....you can't be serious?!" Sidious: "Duly noted Ha! get it.....Duly...like Duel......except....not. *ahem* the court will take this into consideration. In the mean time the defendant will be tied down over the alligator pit outside." Lily: "NONONONONONO I want to solve this court case right now....I don't want the alligator pit!!" Sidious: "Hmmm....The court will adjourn for now while the Jury decides the fate of Lily Samantha Jones." The next day........ Sidious: "Has the jury come up with the verdict?" Jury: "We have your honor and we the jury find the defendant......(dramatic pause)...guilty as charged on contempt of court, conspiracy to make war, and bootlegging and consumption of illegal substances." Lily: "WHAT!!!! ALCOHOL IS NOT ILLEGAL!!! WHERE DID WAR COME INTO PLAY HERE?!?!" Policeman: "SILENCE WOMAN!" *slap* Sidious: "It has been decided, Lily Samantha Jones...rise.. You shall spend the rest of your unnatural life in the dilithium mines at the planet Hoth." Lily: "NOOOOOOOOOO! PLEASE I'm INNOCENT JUST MAKE ME WRITE PAPER PLEASE DON'T DO THIS!" Lily Samantha was sent to the planet Hoth which soon afterwards was attacked by the Imperial AT-AT walkers. The rebel base was destroyed and Lily died in an unfortunate kitchen accident....Her body was never found. |