So I made you all read my lovely article yesterday even if it was against your will and most of you said "pretty funny." I know none of you would ever read it out of your own free will because that's just not in your nature. Reading my website or even going to it for that matter would be the equivalent to a person taking his eye balls out because he is bored. Yes, I am a very graphic person and as you can tell my website expresses that with all the images....and links.....and text......and some more text....and well just plain old text. O and even some text that's written in different fonts and sizes.
Now I must express my opinions about some important issues that we, Americans, Europeans, Africonians, and some species of plants have to face everyday. The issue is "what am I going to do about my boss?"
Well I don't have a boss so I have no opinion. You see I am a freelance writer who rakes in about a quarter of a million pennies every other day. Yes I pay myself to write these articles. The hours are great the work environment is awesome and the people? O man the people are so cool. The coolest person or rather living entity who helps me with my ideas sits in the cubicle next to me. Her name is nillie and she's this 600 pound white Labrador Retriever with an attitude as bad as her name and as killer as her looks. She'll murder anyone that hinders her progress of productivity. She has been convicted of 5 murders in the past year. I mean just look at that face! I try not to stare at it too long because I have this feeling she's thinking about killing me although she tells me that I am probably the only person not worth killing because I give her free food. But to think she's in the cubicle next to me.
Well ok we dont have cubicles more like plaster with insulators and a roof to keep us sheltered from the harsh environment of California. Yes the west coast is a dangerous place to live in, particularly California. If you don't get mugged in Sunnyvale then your likely to get skin cancer in San Francisco from the sun. Seriously the mercury can rise up to 20 degrees Fahrenheit, which in Celsius is 100 or more. Yea I've seen people walking without their government issued solar radiation/heat resistant suits. Its ugly. All I can say is it reminds you of Indiana Jones when the bad guys.....melt. This place is dangerous to live in but I make do with what I have. Yea a couple of the neighboring gangs wanted me to be a part of their posse because of my killer instincts and my killer freestyle. No I'm not going to freestyle for you because you people are not cool enough. I only do it for people I like.
But back onto the issue of what to do with your boss. Well I can never kill my boss because that is immoral and illegal and my boss likes me he gave me a raise the other day and a promotion to Captain. In the case of the average Don Joe (John Doe?) you should come to the office, the shack, the mill, the sanitation plant, or wherever you might work and lay down the law. Tell your boss what you want what you need and give your name and address and tell him if he doesn't comply he will be faced with treason and crimes against the state (this always gets them because it sounds like the government will come and kill him) anything you do is for the State and the good of our nation. Dont abuse this term I mean look at Bush. Hell look at an atlas notice most of the states are RED! *bell rings* does that ring a .......dammit I just said that. Red scare, red flag, REDvsblue.com, THIS RED TEXT!? Come on its obvious that the people who abuse these lines are clearly communist and should be black listed immediately. But if you want to take a less drastic approach to dealing with your boss. stage a coupe de tat. Rally support from your fellow workers and tell them the coffee will be free under your regime and wage will go up instead of down and no more dress code and better hours. To help you win support make propaganda posters such as these.
Also stage a lot of in door office Olympics, revolutionists like that whole "ubermensch" thing. Award the winner a Caesar crown and tell the crowd that as citizens and employees working and striving to perfect this glorious nation. You to can become a Caesar. Now repeat after me. PEACE THROUGH POWER! PEACE THROUGH POWER! NO LOWER WAGES WITHOUT REPRESENTATIONS!
And then use some other languages to stir up the crowd to give yourself some credibility and to show that you truly know what you are talking about and that you are fluent in many languages but the one language that you speak is the language that the people speak.