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G-nome Projekt! |
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Tom Clancy Presents..... PAPER CELL! The year is 2005 the world is a very dangerous place as the fragments of the Imperial Empire are broken up by the Rebels and Luke Skywalker, democracy is spreading. In amidst of all this chaos there is one elite team. A team so secret that not even Luke Skywalker knows about it. They call themselves 500000000th Echelon. The team is made up of a bunch of people who do not appear in this story. They all haves something to do with technology computers and something's you the reader could not possibly know about. So to continue..the silent and deadly and most essential part of this team is Agent Starsley.....Aka Crystal...She is equipped with the latest and greatest in espionage technology. She can move in an out of the shadows like the wind and infiltrate enemy buildings with relative ease. She alone has the fifth Freedom. The freedom to protect all other freedoms......this is my war.....I mean her war. She is PAPER CELL! Tech nerd #1: Starsley we have word that the swiss have nuclear missiles but they are denying it. We also know they have a bank with lots of money in it. This is probably going to involve a vault with lots of money in it. Your mission is to infiltrate the bank and steal the money. Starsley: Ya know I don't do that kind of work anymore........I have work in 2 hours. Tech Nerd #1: They also keep Sean in the vault and they only feed him travelers checks.....Canadian. Starsley: NO! Tell me what I have to do I have to get Sean back.........how the fuck did he end up in Switzerland? Tech Nerd #2: Thats classified information Starsley. Starsley:.........you mean you don't know. Tech Nerd #2: HEY I TOLD HIM NOT TO GO TO IN N OUT FOR LUNCH! BUT noooooooooooooooo HE WAS "hungry" And it was "close." Its all my fault Starsley *sobs* he was in the line when they grabbed him there was nothing I could do........they wouldn't let me they put my FACE IN THE POTATO SLICER!........I am ugly. Starsley: what the fuck is going on? Noam your not making this story are you. God I mean Noam: Shh just let the good times roll (aside) O what thou art to do? Crystal dost not wish to be un Seceret Agent! Alas! ........ALAS! My articles all rule ever For! Tech Nerd#1: I know its been a long time so let us run through the tutorial. (long ass tutorial that requires you to push a lot of godamn buttons that I really do not feel like typing in) Tip #1 of 20000 Push the A button while forward on the left analog stick and you will do some type of cool move or other. Tech Nerd #1: Ok it seems you remember your moves Starsley. Get on the plane your going toe Memphis.........Switzerland. As Starsley is parachuted into Swizterland she makes her way across the roof tops and into the bank. She is wearing the tools of her trade a teddy bear with a fiber optic cable from its eyes and a pink skin wet suit meant for moving silently. Tech Nerd#1: Ok your on the roof.....that means there is no ceiling. I need you to tell me what you see. Starsley looks around and after a few moments spots a window looking into the bank below. Starsley: I see.....some walls and some ceilings....No wait....just one ceiling. Tech Nerd#2: You need to jump through the window the vault should be on your left. Starsley: You fuckers didn't give me any rope! Its a twenty foot drop! Noam: Don't worry Starsley you must believe. Starsley: Believe in what... Noam: Water and a teapot are two separate things. When you put warter in the tea pot the water becomes the teapot. Now water can flow or it can crash....be water my friend. Starsley: Noam....why are you even here? Noam: well I am writing this article and I can do whatever the fuck I want soo uhh get in there! Noam pushes Starsley and she falls threw the glass on her fall is broken by a guard. The other guards hesitate but in those few seconds they are already dead. Starsley pulls out her knife made out of the finest parchment of the great papyrus from the Nile. She flips, jumps, twirls, leaps, any other adjective for acrobatics she does. In those precious few moments Starsley slit every throat gutted every gut and stabbed everybody. They were all dead .......save one. Noam: I hope you slept well tonite Agent Starsley because now you die! PREPARE TO MEET IRON SKILLET! Noam whips out an iron skillet. They do battle jabbing and parrying here and there. in all this sean screams like a woman....and in all this a black figure with three green eyes comes down from the ceiling silently. Noam uses his mantis style and disarms Starsley. Noam: No sweat....Starsley your kung fu is strong but you will not defeat the Tekken warriors. Crystal: I just came for sean... Noam: he's a tekken warrior. Crystal: well I don't care I just wanna go home with sean and then get back to my normal life. Noam: Normal? How do you define normal? If your are speaking about waking up everyday and going to school and doing homework then normal is simply signals interpreted by your brain......you think thats air your breathing? (long pause) Sean: Right-o umm I think I could use a little help here. my gosh I caunt seem to recall how I ended up here. Crystal moves to free him from the ropes that bind him. A metaphor for slavery in Switzerland. No one is free inside their own country not even inside their minds.....not even inside their banks. The rest can be elaborate on pg. 24 at www.sparknotes.com Noam goes to stop Crystal, when suddenly she turns around with a Death Ray and shoots it at him. He uses his Iron Skillet and it deflects only to hit something in the darkness above them. There is a loud thump..... Noam: what was that? He goes over to check and he finds the real Sam Fisher ........dead. Noam: O MY GOD NO! *lets out a primal scream proceed by thunder and rain* YOU MADE ME KILL MY IDOL! MY SAVIOR MY EVERYTHING! Crystal and Sean run out of the bank. Oddly enough the Bank catches fire. Noam:YOU HAVE NOT SEEN THE LAST OF ME! MAKE NO MISTAKE CRYSTAL I WILL RULLLE! AH NO BEES! *punches bees as the building collapses* Crystal (pulls out a detonator): you can't kill every bee..... Pushes the detonator....BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
36 hours later. Crystal: Sean I am going to work if you leave this house or go to In N out I swear to God I will bind you to this bed and you will never leave. Sean: Right-o. As Crystal leaves something emerges from the pool. A burned, bee stung, mangled corpse. Noam has return. Sean turns around: Right-o Noam: I AM A ROBOT! The End!
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