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FUNNY SCHICHT

LEVIATHAN

ME

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Miscellaneous(the sanctuary)

Right so I’ve been gone a little while.  It’s not my fault.  It’s the damn squirrels.  I’ve been tracking them.  Can’t go two steps without a damn acorn cracking…  Also I’ve been huffing a lot of paint.  Helps the creative process.

            So this is a story about the boogeyman.  The boogeyman comes out of your closet at night and eats your boogers.  No seriously.  All that shit about him coming to “get you” Wait what the fuck.  “Get you”?  The boogeyman is a rapist?  Or like he’s coming to take you to the funny farm?  Yeah umm ok.  “Get you” is now replaced by “beat you with a brick wall and then read Harry Potter porno to you”.  Cause that makes about as much sense.

            Anyways Chapter fucking 1.

Timmy didn’t want to go to sleep.  He’d had a hard day getting rescued out of wells by his senile dog Mitzy.  Mitzy was a Chihuahua, but now she is in Mexico cuz she got deported by the INS.  Also when she got to Mexico she got stepped on because some dude though she was a freakishly long haired rat.  Maybe a stylish rat.  Like that actor guy.  MATT DAMON!!!  *maat daamun.*  Anyways Timmy’s tired and Mitzy’s a Mexican ratdog pancake.  Can we move on?

            Chapter 2 thank you toast.

Timmy went to sleep after his mom told him if he didn’t go to sleep the boogeyman would “get him”.  So he went to sleep.  But while he was sleeping the boogeyman came out of the closet and under the bed at the same time and beat him with a brick wall.  At this point the kid woke up and smacked the boogeyman in the nose.  So the boogeyman shoved his hands back in his pants (he wears pants and a sweater vest cuz he keeps up with the latest fashions from Milan)  and pulls the kid through the floor.

            Chapter 3 this is where shit goes crazy.

Kids can’t go through floors.

Four miles away, Mitzy the pancake was slow-roasting over a barbeque, with a delectable selection of yellow bell pepper and sweet onions.  Keena:  WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT?

            Chapter 4 This is the end cuz I’m bored now.

So for no apparent reason the boogeyman and Timmy are in a place without end.  Below is the entire world, so Timmy thinks that he’s dead and in heaven.  Then the boogeyman shows up and Timmy lights on fire.  He runs around screaming until he falls in a vat of acid.   Then he’s dumped into a punji pit and gets impaled on spikes.  Then an alligator comes in and bites him.  The boogeyman laughs.  “Idiot.  No such thing as the boogeyman.  Should watch out for demons instead you little shit.”

Then a shoopuff shows up.  If you get this, you hang out with Noam too much.