|
G-nome Projekt! |
|
|
Its time for ASK THE JEW! As a a Jew I have gone through many lengths and hardships to become what I am. I have received several of your emails wanting to know certain aspects of Judaism and the Jewish life. I have come on behalf of the Jewish Clergy to answer them. No I'm not part of the Jewish clergy but all jokes aside I am a Jew. Let us begin. Q: What the hell is that flatbread you guys eat? Ya know the one with no yeast? Latkas Pitas? Mazel Tov? A: Ok first off you must be the dumbest person alive because your an idiot to not know what that is. IT SAYS ON THE PACKAGE IDIOT!.......its called matzah. Yes its made without yeast because the way the legend goes when the Jews left Egypt we had no yeast for the dough of the bread to rise so we ate yeast-less bread. That is like eating flower and salt and raw eggs.....together. Of course at that period of time the amount of people (men included) who got yeast infections was down to an all time low. Q: Why do you bless the wine and bread on the Sabbath? A: we dont have a Sabbath....we have what is called Shabbat. What the hell are you going to ask me next do we get together for mass? Do we have lent and crucify our people (FUCK YOU PASSIONATE PASSION PEOPLE!) We bless the wine and the bread to inform God that we are forever grateful that he has given us such comforts. Q: Do you guys sacrifice animals? A: O all the time sometimes well take people off the street and just cut out their hearts and use their skulls as trophies. NO YOU IGNORANT IDIOT? WHAT THE hell! NO That's pagan religion or the druids. You might be mixing us up with them because last time I checked were not Drewish. That joke has been used a lot hasn't it? Q: So do you guys hate muslims and Arabs? A: Yea we hate everyone we go around finding scapegoats and then nailing them to wood in the hopes that one day the person will come off that piece of wood and lead us to salvation. NO WE DON'T ASKLDJLASKJ YOU people anger me beyond belief.....WHO THE HELL ARE YOU PEOPLE WHAT PART OF THE NATION DO YOU LIVE IN? DO YOU GO OUTSIDE EVER?!?! All right I'm going to answer that question calmly and collectively. That whole middle east conflict thing has gone on for too long to give you a straightforward answer. So I would say most of the population hates the Arabs for various reasons but not everyone hates them. The Arabs hate us for taking their land and some other religious stuff. I would say though not all Arabs hate Jews and Israelis (there is a difference). Q: Do the Jews have something against Christ? A: WHAT THE........(longest string of swear words ever constructed here in every language and way. Insert here) you saw the Passion of the Christ didn't you? Look I'm not offended when I see anti-Semitism because that's just not me but I am offended when I see people like you. I think my I.Q. Dropped 30 points after the first question. A: No for real I want to perform a self-lobotomy to ensure that my sanity stays intact. Q: When are you guys going to convert? A: Ya know what the only thing that is going to get CONVERTED is your face into a bloody mess because my aggression inhibiters just blew. Convert to what? Evil demons to conquer the world so you guys will be right after all? or so that we become Christian and beg for mercy? WHY CANT THE QUESTIONS STOP ASK SOMETHING WORTH WHILE! PLEASE! Q: (another ignorant question) A: I think I am going to cry....... Q:( another ignorant question) A: No someone just.....kill me........ Q: (ignorant) A: (looks for gun to stop either the questions or himself) Q: God: I think your website is pretty funny. Thouest bringeth laugther to mine children. Thee shall be emulated amongst the stars and given the wings out truth, justice, and clarity. I shall make you my angel of death to bring the souls to my land of Providence. A: (twitching on the floor while foaming at the mouth) n....no non.....o. more questions........I see........I SEE! ........QuESTIONs! AHHHHHHHhhhhhhhHhH!.......(more twitching) Q: God: DUDE IM OFFERING YOU A JOB! CANT YOU SEE THAT! LOOK AT YOUR CREATOR WHEN HE SPEAKS TO YOU!......why does no one look at me when I speak to them? Its not fair.....Its not cool anymore *sniff* this job is hard....*sniff* You think its easy to listen to all the bitching and whining of my children? I am not so great that you cannot even look at me. I JUST WANT A HUG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *sobs* and runs away. A: The questions.............There HERE!..........So MAnY!........I Can.........I cAN .....FEEL THEM!.....Shhh........there.......There coming hehehe....... (after this tragic forum was closed Noam was taken to a psycho ward where he is being cured as we speak. After the viewing of God on this page many cults and Satanists, Christians, and Muslims no longer denied the existence of God. So the Pagans converted because they were just out of a job. The Satanists either converted of ran for their lives. Christians and Muslims became hardcore and the hardcore ones became radical extremists but the world did not change. State and religion became as one. The Jews were finally given a full apology by all religions because a few days Later Jesus himself came down and said that the Romans did this to him. Stating "I wasn't supposed to come when that happened so the Jews had it right but my birth was premature so I had no choice." After he left the whole of Italy was burned and nuked and all the Italians were either slaughtered or fled. The European Union kicked Italy out of the U.N. and NATO and then drilled through the earth and placed Italy in the middle of the Atlantic and sunk it. The Jews still did not convert and were peacefully recognized as a very cool religion. Matzah sales went up........and Hannukah became the National Holiday.) |